GradeA Man Meat
by foshizzlemanizzle
Summary: AU. SasuSaku. What a waste of perfectly good man-meat. Oh well, the hot ones were always either gay, taken or crazy.


**Title: **Grade-A Man Meat

**Summary:**

AU. SasuSaku. What a waste of perfectly good man-meat. Oh well, the hot ones were always either gay, taken or crazy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. Life _sucks_.

* * *

><p>It was funny, he thought.<p>

How life—how _karma_ could be a real _bitch_, sometimes.

Sure, he knew that he _sortakindamaybe _had it coming; what, with messing around irresponsibly—_more like whoring around, _Naruto snorted—with lots and lots and_ lots_ of women.

He knew the 'hit-and-run,' thing was wrong, but it _wasn't_ his fault! The women were the ones who approached him; it would have been rude not to entertain them. He was a _gentleman_ after all, he smirked.

It wasn't his fault either that he had the utmost confidence in his looks—in _himself. _He admits to having a _humungous_ ego. After all, women always threw themselves at him.

You really can't blame him.

He was the _victim_ here.

It wasn't his fault.

Really, it _wasn't_.

.

.

Well karma—_the bitch_, certainly didn't think so.

* * *

><p>"HAHAHA! I <em>knew<em> it!" Naruto slurped his ramen loudly. Sasuke cringed, disgusted. "I told you so!" Naruto chortled, a mixture of drool and soup dripping down his chin.

Ichiraku Ramen Bar was a modest little restaurant located at downtown Konoha. It wasn't much, but it was the place where Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke spent their—_practically since childhood_—days hanging out. It was sort of a tradition for them to eat lunch there almost every day; and since it was tradition, they treated it as if it were _sacred_. Hence, they came everyday to eat lunch together, no questions asked. _E__ven if the concept _did_ sound kind of _gay_, _Sasuke admittedly thought.

"Idiot, _shut up_. She has ears, you know." Sasuke hissed, handing the blonde a napkin.

"What difference would it make? She practically thinks _nothing_ of you anyway." Naruto snorted in reply, taking the napkin and wiping the little stream off his face. Sasuke scowled, shoulders slumped in defeat.

* * *

><p><strong>Two weeks ago <strong>

Why didn't he notice her before? He asked himself. He knew it was impossible and borderline _ridiculous_ for him not to notice such a gorgeous, _pretty little thing _like her. She wasn't that tall—she was petite, actually. But she had just the right amount of curves and the most striking features; truly a captivating sight to see: _cotton candy pink hair, clear green eyes, picture perfect smile_.

Sasuke knew that he wasn't the only one who kept glancing—_not ogling, he corrected himself_—at her. The men in the little dingy restaurant were practically _eye-fucking _the girl.

"Oi, Teme! Are you even listening to me? Hey, you basta—" Naruto paused mid-way, following Sasuke's line of sight.

"Oh, no! Just,_ NO_. Stop right there, teme! Don't even _think_ about it!"

Sasuke furrowed his brows, annoyed. "The fuck?"

"Dude, that_ chick_? She's _Haruno Sakura_." Sakura, huh? The name suited her, he mused. "And Haruno Sakura is totally _off-limits_. You just _don't_ tap _that_! You do _not_ hit that girl and just walk away after doing so."

Sasuke snorted smugly. He was Uchiha Sasuke. Women_ worshipped_ him.

"Don't give me that smug face, you bastard. I'm serious! Men have tried. And you know what, buddy? They have _failed_."

"The shame of failing and looking like a complete idiot? That's _not_ even the worst part! Those men? They are reduced to _sniveling_, love-sick puppies. It's so _sad_ that you wouldn't even have the heart to call them pathetic." Naruto voiced out sympathetically. "She's _dangerous_, teme. She steals hearts. Putting them in _her jar of hearts_ like that emo song that you know I know you know." Naruto leaned forward inches away from Sasuke's face, eyes narrowed.

"Can you _not_ invade my personal space?" Sasuke hissed, shoving the blonde's face away.

She makes men fall head-over-heels for her? Tch, _please_.

Naruto needed to stop eating too much ramen; the preservatives were getting to his head.

In fact, he was going to make the dobe eat his words. He was going to march up to her and smirk suavely—she'll be eating out of the palm of his hand, like every other women has, _in no time. _

With that in mind, he stood up.

"AW, SHIT NO! NO, TEME! JUST, NO! I—" Sasuke cut him off, hitting the blonde at the back of his head.

He had a point to prove.

He was a man with a _mission_.

And _nothing_ would be able to stop him.

Halfway on his trek, he glanced back at Naruto to smirk smugly, _mockingly_. The blonde was making slashing signs across his throat, mouthing, 'NO.' It was so comical that Sasuke would have laughed if he weren't himself.

Tch, _Uchihas_ d_o not _laugh. Sasuke snorted.

.

.

Sakura was recounting the money behind the cash register when she felt a shadow looming over her. She looked up and was met with a sight to see. Raven hair falling perfectly over dark _smoldering _eyes, a ski-slope nose, and thin _kissable_ lips; the man was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome.

_Hubba, hubba. _She inwardly drooled.

"Yes, sir? May I help you?" She was relieved that she didn't stutter.

"Hn." The man grunted, smirking suavely.

'_Hn? What the hell?' _

Brow raising, she asked once more, "Sir? Do you need anything?"

The man leaned forward, eyes smoldering, still smirking suavely. She blinked, '_Okaaaay._ Someone's a little bit _cuckoo_.'

What a waste of perfectly good man-meat. Oh well, the hot ones were always either gay, taken or crazy. She shrugged inwardly, took the white apron—'_Ichiraku Ramen Bar' logo in the middle_—off and wordlessly walked away. "Hey, Ayame! My shift's over! Tell the manager I'm leaving, alright?"

.

.

"Hey, Ayame! My shift's over! Tell the manager I'm leaving, alright?"

Sasuke silently stood, staring blankly at the area where the pink-haried beauty stood moments ago. _'Did she just walk out on me?'_ He felt Naruto's hand on his shoulder, "It's okay, man." The blonde tried to utter sympathetically, miserably failing to muffle his sniggers.

"Can I just say?" He smirked conspiratorially, leading the dazed Sasuke back to their seats. "I warned you, teme. _I told you so."_ And with that, the blonde man proceeded to slap his knee repeatedly as he downright laughed out loud, earning annoyed looks from the people in the small restaurant.

Sasuke stood there stiffly, ego completely bruised, hands clenching. "No, buddy. Seriously, it's okay. You know what they say, Karma's a _bitch_." Naruto snorted out between chortles, a hand on Sasuke's left shoulder, trying and utterly failing to sound sympathetic.

* * *

><p>"Dude, teme. Seriously, just give up. I already told you, she's not going to give in. She's <em>Haruno Sakura<em>. You've been stalking—" Sasuke glared, offended. "I mean, _coincidentally_ be in the same places as her," Naruto quickly corrected, "since the day she turn you down."

Sasuke grunted in reply.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Ugh! Teme! I swear! I can't take it anymore!" Palms slamming onto the table, Naruto leaned forward, "Listen here and listen _well_, teme! I can't take your broody, _emo_, sulking self anymore. You're shitty company has turned into a _hell lot of shitty_ company, okay? You took a month-long leave from your company—_when you haven't taken a vacation in _three years_, just saying_—just to follow her around and glare, _hiss_ and glower at every man within a mile's radius from her! You've used your family's conglomerate to learn more about her—_not only do you know where she lives, you even know what _shampoo _she uses_—and listen in on her conversations with other people! You follow her around_ every_ single day! Teme, you are acting like an _obsessed_, love-sick, stalker-ish, emo guy!" brow furrowing, Sasuke feeling more than offended, refused to look at Naruto.

"I'm not gonna say that you're crazy, but you're pretty much along that neighborhood_, _OKAY? _Snap out of it_, teme! Stop sulking over your bruised pride and ego and just grow a damn _pair_ and ask her out like a _normal_ person! Or just quit it if you can't! Your pride and ego _isn't_ worth that much!" Naruto screeched, eyes wild, catching his breath.

Sasuke, still frowning, wordlessly stood up and left.

Naruto sighed, slumping in defeat. _'He never listens.'_

* * *

><p>Naruto was wrong, Sasuke thought as he indignantly stomped his way back to his house—<em>mansion<em>. He wasn't obsessed! Nor was he stalking her. And no, this was _not_ about his pride or his ego.

Okay, fine, _maybe_ it was about his ego but that was only during the first few days! And _maybe_ he was stalking her. _Just a little bit though._ There were many dangerous people out there with sick motives! He was just looking out for her.

It was _not_ about pride, he repeated, telling himself. _No_, Sasuke knew he was starting to feel _something_. He felt it when she smiled gently at a child that scraped his knee—trying to help clean up the child's wound; when he found out that she worked three jobs to help her parents pay for med school; when she helped carry a random old stranger's groceries. There was so much that she would do for other people, regardless if she knew them or not. She was everything he was _not_. She was just so _so_ much. And it moved him. _Touched _him. And he _felt_—he didn't know what he felt but he knew it was _something_.

* * *

><p>Sakura hummed happily as she made her way to Ichiraku; she's been in a rather good mood these past weeks—"<em>Oi, forehead. Why do you look like you're in freaking cloud-nine? It's creeping me out," Ino commented dryly. <em>

She discreetly glanced back, looking for the familiar mob of raven hair. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips when she saw him pause in his trek, pretending to read a small flyer stamped on an electric post. You see, Haruno Sakura was a smart girl. She knew that he'd been following her around ever since that faithful day in Ichiraku.

The first time he followed her around, she honestly thought he was a creepy, cute—_hey, the guy had good looks!_—stalker. And had he not pummeled a guy trying to look up her skirt, she would have reported him to the police and filed for a restraining order. But because of him, the number of guys who hit on her decreased greatly, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't thankful. And though she thought his way of expressing his concern was a bit peculiar, she found him sweet.

She knew she was starting to like him and she knew it was wrong_. She didn't even know him._

But when he started to leave cans of pepper spray on her doorstep every three days, a bento box with a sticky note that said, '_Eat_,' on top of her desk at the hospital she was interning in, and an umbrella beside her locker inside the employee's room of Ichiraku Ramen when it unexpectedly started to rain when her shift ended, she just _knew_ that this—_strange_, awkward, _probably_ emotionally stunted, sweet, _gorgeous—_man had her.

* * *

><p>He stood impatiently, waiting for Naruto to come pick him up. It was raining so hard; the drainage overflowing with the excess water, trees bending under the harsh wind's will. Why did he have to choose to leave his car at home <em>today<em>? And why did it have to rain the moment he stepped outside the ramen bar?

Sakura wasn't even in the bar anymore; her shift ended early. He scowled at his misfortune.

Tapping his foot impatiently, he decided to just brave the rain and go home.

He'd just take a warm bath when he got home, he reasoned.

After all, he had no reason to be at the ramen bar anyway. Sakura already left.

Might as well do some paperwork in the study, he thought, sulking.

Face set into a deep scowl, Sasuke took a step forward, expecting cold, pelting rain against his skin.

He felt none.

.

.

Sakura steadied the umbrella she held over the man and herself. What was he thinking? Didn't he know he could get sick? She frowned mumbling, "Idiot."

He actually had the nerve to look appalled.

.

.

Who did _this_—this _midget_ think she was? First, she turns him down and now she calls him an _idiot_? How dare she place him on the same level as Naruto! He was _Uchiha Sasuke_, damn it.

The _midget_, he growled, looking at everything but her.

"You could at least say thank you." She snapped, looking up—_she was tiny compared to him, he smirked_—at him. He grunted in annoyance. She certainly _didn't _thank him for everything he's done for her, so why should he _thank _her?

"Hn."

She narrowed her eyes, "I_ can't_ believe I was actually contemplating on asking _you_ out."

.

.

It took him a minute to register what she had said. And when he faced her, he was able to catch a glimpse of her pink-stained cheeks. She probably didn't mean to say that out loud, he smirked.

"Uchiha Sasuke." He arrogantly muttered and held her hand.

Who_ didn't have a pair, dobe? _He thought to himself smugly.

She blushed, humming in acknowledgement, eyes on their linked hands.

.

.

.

Maybe, just _maybe_, karma wasn't a bitch after all.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

um, yeah. I dunno what to say..

Hmm.. Cookies for those who can tell me the title of the "emo song," Naruto was talking about in the resto scene. :))

And um, let me know what you think, leave a review. :)


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